Lessons from the weekend:

2009-10-28T23:45:21Z

What happens at Castle Anthrax stays at Castle Anthrax, but that doesn't mean that we can't draw some needed lessons from the weekend – however delayed the writeup.

1. Placing mildly obscene coconut heads next to old Harlequin romances from the 1980s will not help the sales of either.

2. On a related note, mixing plastic copies in with real shells will also not help the sales of either.

3. And on a still related note, how can a store actually sell coconut heads, dried alligators, used romance novels, a wide selection of shells, salt water taffy and still not have any Dr. Pepper?

4. (That was a very scary store on a number of levels.)

5. Deep red toenails do a marvelous job of setting off the white fur, purple dress and big purple hat of Witch Bear.

6. Speaking of which, no, it is not really possible to have too many teddy bears.

7. Also speaking of which, no, I have no real idea why I keep getting more of them. It's honestly not as purposeful as it may seem.

8. But this does explain why I occasionally dream of talking teddy bears.

9. Surprisingly enough, sometimes teddy bears can help lure you into dangerous footrubs. Or at least this is what everybody will say later.

10. Saying, "The purple guys were moving around a lot" is not considered a) an accurate description of the images on the TV or b) a helpful description of the last football play.

11. Especially when the purple guys are actually (apparently) in maroon, not purple. (I would seriously not take my word for either color. Or for what happened, although I can tell you that it involved little purple guys swarming around the TV and falling down a lot. Why you think this is entertaining I will never understand. Winter Olympics, coming up! Now those are Real Sports. And I say that as a Florida resident. You have to be Very Sporty to dare cold things like that.)

12. Moonlit pools are excellent places to escape from swarming purple guys.

13. Pancake cravings should not be denied.

14. Brunch is best shared.

15. Balancing cups of apple juice can be considerably more difficult than it sounds.

16. Certain brunch conversations can lead to encouraging people to pray for you. And no, not about your physical health, either.

17. The Yankees are evil. Why are we still talking about this? More critically, why are we talking to ME about this?

18. Really, all I need to know is that the Yankees are evil. Unless, of course, the Cubs beat back fate, curses, bankruptcy and terrible plays to make it to the World Series.

19. Barbequed quail is remarkably tasty. (What, you were expecting more baseball chatter? From ME?)

20. Nothing justifies the unprovoked attack on a friendly teddy bear by cats. Even the slight scent of barbequed quail.

21. The presence of swim trunks under Roman armor is probably not all that authentic.

22. The presence of nothing under various kilts, however, might well be. Or at least will be applauded as such.

'Twas very, very good to see everyone again :)

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Lessons from the weekend: