Pirates of the Caribbean part four
Jun. 7th, 2011 10:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mariness(still catching up on all the posts I have to write...)
And in other entertainment news…
I finally got around to seeing the latest installment of the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise, and I have this to say:
Blah.
Oh, it's not terrible. It has competent splashy swordfights and people improbably swinging from coconut palms and chandeliers and carriages and some mermaids and some Spanish people with Mostly Incomprehensible Motives that should have been spelled out sooner and a priest dude who seemed remarkably unreligious much of the time. And of course Johnny Depp. Yay Johnny Depp! And Geoffrey Rush, although the screen we watched seemed to be emphasizing his age; he looked considerably older here than in The King's Speech which was certainly not making him out to be a young guy. But I digress about skin tones.
What the movie lacks is motivation.
The first movie not only had a fairly fast moving if frankly improbable plot, but also had solid motives for all of its characters. The boy wanted to save the girl. The girl wanted to save herself and the boy and later her father and sorta become a pirate. The British wanted to destroy the pirates. The pirates wanted to destroy the curse. Captain Jack Sparrow wanted to channel Keith Richards. And drink some rum. The monkey wanted to steal everything, including the movie. Lots of people wanted to not get killed by skeletons. This was all good.
The plots of the second and third movies were considerably more muddled, but, again, great motives for everyone: the British wanted to make money; the pirates wanted to make money and escape Davy Jones; Orlando Bloom wanted to rescue the girl and his father; the girl wanted to rescue Orlando Bloom and her father, and so on. Plus a huge kraken thing was going to eat everybody. Excitement!
In this film…
…not so much.
Sure, the British and the Spanish kinda want the Fountain of Youth, but the British, except for King George, seem fairly tepid about it – instead of sending a fleet, they're sending one fairly slow ship captained by an ex pirate in a bit that seems more about the need to reuse the British uniforms from the previous movies than any real desire for the Fountain. Even the Spanish are unimpressed, sailing on past (which creates some later plot holes that the movie merrily ignores). Barbarossa wants revenge, Sparrow wants his ship and I suppose the girl, the mermaid wants to go swimming, and Blackbeard wants to live just a little longer.
That's the next problem: the Fountain of Youth. It's not permanent; using it requires a long and tedious ritual and the death of someone and making a mermaid cry; and, to repeat, it adds only a few years to your life – not eternal youth. It frankly doesn't seem worth all this bother, especially since most of the people involved aren't going to be benefitting. (And how exactly did anyone learn about this ritual anyway?)
But back to the girl. Given that the first three pirate movies all featured "Save our Daddy" plots, I suppose it's not surprising that this one chooses to do so as well, but unfortunately, the film absolutely fails to convince us that the father in question is worth saving, or that the girl actually cares for him. This does allow us to cheer on Jack Sparrow's final trick – but in the meantime, that leaves us with nothing to cheer for or get concerned about for most of the movie. (Except maybe the Spanish, but, they're mostly played as afterthoughts, or when the plot needs more swordfighting or a reason to go flying through coconut palms.)
It doesn't help that the film doesn't have a real villain. Oh, it sorta has one in Blackbeard, but let's face it: after the cursed Captain Barbarossa who occasionally changes into a skeleton, the greedy British guys of the second/third films, and Davy Jones of the "I can play the organ with my tentacles AND summon Kraken things that CAN EAT WHOLE SHIPS," Blackbeard, despite an impressive attempt by Ian McShane, and some zombies, is just not that scary. Oh, sure, Jack Sparrow tells us that all pirates fear him, and he's collected some pirate ships in little bottles, but we never see Blackbeard collect them, and sure, he seems to be collecting humans so that he can later use them in his ritual and live a little longer, but he never comes out and says this, either, and even his zombies never seem that bad.
So, blah.
You will note that this discussion is missing snark; that's because when I reached for my notebook, I found it wasn't there, and when I tried to write something up later, I found the movie was already fading in my mind. Perhaps when it comes out on DVD. Perhaps.
And in other entertainment news…
I finally got around to seeing the latest installment of the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise, and I have this to say:
Blah.
Oh, it's not terrible. It has competent splashy swordfights and people improbably swinging from coconut palms and chandeliers and carriages and some mermaids and some Spanish people with Mostly Incomprehensible Motives that should have been spelled out sooner and a priest dude who seemed remarkably unreligious much of the time. And of course Johnny Depp. Yay Johnny Depp! And Geoffrey Rush, although the screen we watched seemed to be emphasizing his age; he looked considerably older here than in The King's Speech which was certainly not making him out to be a young guy. But I digress about skin tones.
What the movie lacks is motivation.
The first movie not only had a fairly fast moving if frankly improbable plot, but also had solid motives for all of its characters. The boy wanted to save the girl. The girl wanted to save herself and the boy and later her father and sorta become a pirate. The British wanted to destroy the pirates. The pirates wanted to destroy the curse. Captain Jack Sparrow wanted to channel Keith Richards. And drink some rum. The monkey wanted to steal everything, including the movie. Lots of people wanted to not get killed by skeletons. This was all good.
The plots of the second and third movies were considerably more muddled, but, again, great motives for everyone: the British wanted to make money; the pirates wanted to make money and escape Davy Jones; Orlando Bloom wanted to rescue the girl and his father; the girl wanted to rescue Orlando Bloom and her father, and so on. Plus a huge kraken thing was going to eat everybody. Excitement!
In this film…
…not so much.
Sure, the British and the Spanish kinda want the Fountain of Youth, but the British, except for King George, seem fairly tepid about it – instead of sending a fleet, they're sending one fairly slow ship captained by an ex pirate in a bit that seems more about the need to reuse the British uniforms from the previous movies than any real desire for the Fountain. Even the Spanish are unimpressed, sailing on past (which creates some later plot holes that the movie merrily ignores). Barbarossa wants revenge, Sparrow wants his ship and I suppose the girl, the mermaid wants to go swimming, and Blackbeard wants to live just a little longer.
That's the next problem: the Fountain of Youth. It's not permanent; using it requires a long and tedious ritual and the death of someone and making a mermaid cry; and, to repeat, it adds only a few years to your life – not eternal youth. It frankly doesn't seem worth all this bother, especially since most of the people involved aren't going to be benefitting. (And how exactly did anyone learn about this ritual anyway?)
But back to the girl. Given that the first three pirate movies all featured "Save our Daddy" plots, I suppose it's not surprising that this one chooses to do so as well, but unfortunately, the film absolutely fails to convince us that the father in question is worth saving, or that the girl actually cares for him. This does allow us to cheer on Jack Sparrow's final trick – but in the meantime, that leaves us with nothing to cheer for or get concerned about for most of the movie. (Except maybe the Spanish, but, they're mostly played as afterthoughts, or when the plot needs more swordfighting or a reason to go flying through coconut palms.)
It doesn't help that the film doesn't have a real villain. Oh, it sorta has one in Blackbeard, but let's face it: after the cursed Captain Barbarossa who occasionally changes into a skeleton, the greedy British guys of the second/third films, and Davy Jones of the "I can play the organ with my tentacles AND summon Kraken things that CAN EAT WHOLE SHIPS," Blackbeard, despite an impressive attempt by Ian McShane, and some zombies, is just not that scary. Oh, sure, Jack Sparrow tells us that all pirates fear him, and he's collected some pirate ships in little bottles, but we never see Blackbeard collect them, and sure, he seems to be collecting humans so that he can later use them in his ritual and live a little longer, but he never comes out and says this, either, and even his zombies never seem that bad.
So, blah.
You will note that this discussion is missing snark; that's because when I reached for my notebook, I found it wasn't there, and when I tried to write something up later, I found the movie was already fading in my mind. Perhaps when it comes out on DVD. Perhaps.