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marinessNBC: Fail
Ok, it's really almost a tradition by now: NBC gets the rights to broadcast the Olympics; NBC manages to screw up the Olympic broadcast, by not showing live events, skipping here there and everywhere, pausing to show us Interesting Things About the Host Country, which are invariably Never Interesting and always happening while NBC could be showing us, you know, athletes, failing to show most of the most popular events live, and showing only tidbits of some of the bizarre sports that we only get to see at the Olympics.
Even by these standards, however, NBC managed to sink to new lows last night. How low? Let's review:
1. NBC decided not to cover the Opening Ceremonies live, on the basis that They are complex entertainment spectacles that do not translate well online because they require context, which our award-winning production team will provide for the large prime-time audiences that gather together to watch them.. (Canada, meanwhile, managed to show both the live Opening Ceremonies and an edited version for primetime, apparently in an effort to make more Americans ignore the bitter bitter cold and decide to head up to Canada to live anyway.)
2. NBC also blocked United States ISPs from live streaming from international coverage. (Despite this, I should note that certain employees of Universal Studios, Florida, which is currently partly owned by NBC/Universal, were watching an apparently excellent live feed from Costa Rica. Fail. Other people at SeaWorld got a hold of a BBC feed, but, to be fair, SeaWorld isn’t an NBC property.)
That would have been fine – after all, NBC did pay millions for the rights to show this, except --
3. NBC then failed to show the entire opening ceremonies. Missing were what the BBC calls a moving dance tribute to terrorist victims, complete with a rendition of "Abide With Me," (NBC cut into this with an inane interview with an uncomfortable looking Michael Phelps who clearly just wanted to leave, like, now); several parts of the history of British music number; bits of the Arctic Monkeys, and bits of the Parade of Nations. So, NBC refused to allow Americans to watch the Opening Ceremonies elsewhere and then refused to show Americans all of the show. Yay.
4. But even that was dwarfed by commentary that was, even by NBC's standards...jaw droppingly awful, prompting the immediate #NBCfail twitter tag. And which meant that instead of noticing much about the ceremony, I found myself snarking about NBC's coverage instead.
[This begins with what we thought was going to be the Opening Ceremony, but which turned out to be some sort of NBC preshow. To get a real sense of how bad it was, skip to the bits about the Parade of Nations]
And HOURS behind everyone else, here comes the NBC Olympic coverage!!!!
With bonus space shuttle! (What was that?)
Only NBC would give us the American space shuttle to start off Opening Ceremonies in London.
Ok, NBC. We get it. Olympics. Are. Dramatic.
This reminds us of the Lord of the Rings.
My brother is very upset that the fast forward button does not work during this part.
We are not at the Opening Ceremonies yet. This it the NBC intro. TIMELESS ACHIEVEMENT. This seems endless, NBC, not timeless.
Ok, NOW, after a five year intro, NBC is telling us about Hampton Court.
NBC, have we not, as a nation, offended the United Kingdom enough this week already?
So, as the world watches the cauldron getting lit, Americans get commercials!
NBC is now assuring us that they are all friends like with Danny Boyle.
NBC now wants to show us Sports Illustrated.
Wait. ONe of the American gymnasts is actually nicknamed Flying Squirrel?
Thank you, NBC, for telling us the Olympics are very stressful on the athletes.
....flying pig, NBC? Did I miss the significance of that?
Um, NBC? What is this? Anyone?
NBC claims that this is the official start of the Olympics! Let the countdown begin!
Hey, the local NBC station was right! We did get William and Kate.
Hey! You guys were right! It is Abraham Lincoln at the Opening Ceremony! #Olympics
Thank you, NBC, for telling us that was a quote from the Tempest, AND THE UNNEEDED COMMERCIAL BREAK.
The good thing is that NBC's Opening Ceremony coverage will give us all plenty of time to visit the bathroom.
NBC tells us this is remarkable! Even ominous! Picking up in PACE and INTENSITY! I'm quoting.
Please tell me that someone will have a version of this NOT narrated by NBC.
NBC, we want to hear the drums. Not you.
OOOH! Rising Evil Phallic Towers! @Olympics I like my description better, NBC.
NBC would like to tell you that the Industrial Revolution had great hardship. Great insight from a major corporation.
NBC, I guarantee the creative team did not approve your voiceovers.#Olympics
NBC, rather than TELLING us about the soundtrack, how about letting us hear it? #Olympics
And remember, we're on tape delay. NBC has had HOURS to get their commentary wrong! #Olympics
NBC would like to tell you this is more poignant for a British audience. Because the British audience is not listening to NBC.#Olympics
Oooh, ring forging! One ring to bind them all! @Olympics
Hmm. We have decided that NBC is the mouthpiece of Sauron.#Olympics
Tolkien needs to create a ring to bind the mouths of the NBC announcers. #Olympics
We want to express our thorough approval of the queen's doggies.#Olympics. But why were they left behind? That wasn't very nice.
Ok, London #Olympics. That was ENTIRELY awesome.
NBC, we do not actually need British terms like "Tor" defined for us to let us enjoy this.
Ok, these kids? Also adorable. #Olympics
Great, NBC is now talking over the Olympic announcers.
No, NBC, people at home are wondering why you keep talking.#Olympics
NBC thinks we are all so uneducated we can't recognize cartoon characters like Cruella de Vil. I am not making this up.
NBC wants to know how you can banish a child's nightmares. I'm going with, banish NBC.
NBC: "Let's recap because we voiceovered so much you had no idea what you saw."
NBC, I promise you, we do not actually need you to review the show for us.
The household has just made a decision that the rest of the Olympics will be watched on Telemundo so we don't break the TV.
(after we finish watching the trainwreck of NBC tonight.)
....wait, NBC. We're interrupting already long Opening Ceremony coverage for a Michael Phelps interview?
I like Michael Phelps, mind you. I'm just questioning the NBC timing.
Oh dear. We are now adding Bob Costas to the mix of NBC commentators. This will not end well.
And now, it's time for NBC's geography lesson and telling us that Greece sucks.
NBC would like to tell you that Albania, too, sucks. Also, Ramadan sucks.
And now, NBC would like to remind you all of Angola's prior humiliations.
NBC, spreading world peace at the Olympics by reminding us of every single war everybody's been in and why they would hate the UK!
Hmm. Armenia got away without negative commentary. How? But NBC is back on track with a condescending comments about Aruba.
NBC is now dissing Belarus. Yay for world peace!
On the bright side, NBC is at least proving themselves equal opportunty all other countries haters.
Ok, so, so far, NBC likes Armenia and Brazil.
We are now on two letters of countries (B) and two commercial breaks. This does not bode well for finishing quickly.
NBC, telling us that the chief problem of the Central African Republic is movie subtitles. I am not making this up.
So, NBC missed the entire "celebrate world athletes" memo?
NBC, now telling us Americans can't spell! Also, failing to tell us the population or number of athletes from North Korea.
NBC, now deciding this is the best time to update on Egypt's political problems instead of telling us about the athletes there.
NBC, telling us that Eritrea is only important because American athletes have come from it.
And now, it's time for NBC to insult France!
On the bright side, France, if you had gotten the Olympics, you'd have to let these NBC commentators into your country. Lucky break!
NBC: There is no recent military conflict we will not bring up during this athletic celebration!
NBC: Let's talk about Facebook as Haiti walks in! That's relevant!
Ok, we like the Independent Olympic Athletes!
NBC: Let's tell you about all of the problems between Iran and the United Kingdom during this happy occasion!
Our household explodes for Italy!!!!!
(maybe not explodes. Cheers.)
NBC, I promise you, no one is watching this to find out the air schedules to Kiribati.
Well, NBC, we weren't going to cheer for Madagascar, but now that you've reminded us it's the setting for animated movies, YAY!
NBC: "The Maldives, the lowest country on earth. A couple of medals here might boost them up a bit." That's a quote.
NBC, assuming Americans have never looked at a map since 1805!
NBC: "We point these things out both to increase our ratings..." You think this is increasing your ratings?
Apparently NBC is under the impression that we are all here to celebrate commercial television ads, instead of athletes.
NBC, congratulating themselves for being able to say Saudi Arabian names!
NBC, claiming this is moving so fast there's no time to find out who is carrying Senegal's flag!
NBC, maybe these little anecdotes are not the best idea. Just saying.
NBC - We know you tuned in to see athletes, but did you know life sucks in Syria?
NBC - The entrance of Tanzania provides us with an excellent opportunity to tell you a little story about the New York Mets.
I keep thinking this NBC commentary can't get worse, and then, Tunisia walks in.
NBC - And now, let us spoil this happy U.S. entrance with controversy!
....did NBC just slip in a political ad for Mitt Romney in there? Never mind. I'll just pretend I didn't hear.
NBC, when the Arctic Monkeys are playing, that's the signal for you to stop talking.
And NBC talks over the actual Olympic announcers. Again.
Yay, Mohammed Ali! #Olympics
NBC, now wanting to let us know that the final torch bearer is important, because the fireworks and torches haven't made that clear.
Flaming speedboat for the Olympic torch win!
NBC, "As you just heard..." Yes, NBC, indeed, we did hear that from the Olympic announcer, which is why we didn't need to hear it again.
I have lost track of how often NBC has decided to talk over the announcers.
NBC, hoping that these young athletes end up in Rio, and not trained as assassins targeted by furious countries at NBC.
NBC, again deciding that we don't actually need to hear what the Olympics people are saying.
NBC, telling us that the young athletes are embracing their sponsors, presumably thinking we can't see this through their talking.
NBC - So much is made of the creative process, and surprisingly, so little is made of our inane additions to it.
Very impressive, London. #Olympics Very inane, NBC.
Ok, it's really almost a tradition by now: NBC gets the rights to broadcast the Olympics; NBC manages to screw up the Olympic broadcast, by not showing live events, skipping here there and everywhere, pausing to show us Interesting Things About the Host Country, which are invariably Never Interesting and always happening while NBC could be showing us, you know, athletes, failing to show most of the most popular events live, and showing only tidbits of some of the bizarre sports that we only get to see at the Olympics.
Even by these standards, however, NBC managed to sink to new lows last night. How low? Let's review:
1. NBC decided not to cover the Opening Ceremonies live, on the basis that They are complex entertainment spectacles that do not translate well online because they require context, which our award-winning production team will provide for the large prime-time audiences that gather together to watch them.. (Canada, meanwhile, managed to show both the live Opening Ceremonies and an edited version for primetime, apparently in an effort to make more Americans ignore the bitter bitter cold and decide to head up to Canada to live anyway.)
2. NBC also blocked United States ISPs from live streaming from international coverage. (Despite this, I should note that certain employees of Universal Studios, Florida, which is currently partly owned by NBC/Universal, were watching an apparently excellent live feed from Costa Rica. Fail. Other people at SeaWorld got a hold of a BBC feed, but, to be fair, SeaWorld isn’t an NBC property.)
That would have been fine – after all, NBC did pay millions for the rights to show this, except --
3. NBC then failed to show the entire opening ceremonies. Missing were what the BBC calls a moving dance tribute to terrorist victims, complete with a rendition of "Abide With Me," (NBC cut into this with an inane interview with an uncomfortable looking Michael Phelps who clearly just wanted to leave, like, now); several parts of the history of British music number; bits of the Arctic Monkeys, and bits of the Parade of Nations. So, NBC refused to allow Americans to watch the Opening Ceremonies elsewhere and then refused to show Americans all of the show. Yay.
4. But even that was dwarfed by commentary that was, even by NBC's standards...jaw droppingly awful, prompting the immediate #NBCfail twitter tag. And which meant that instead of noticing much about the ceremony, I found myself snarking about NBC's coverage instead.
[This begins with what we thought was going to be the Opening Ceremony, but which turned out to be some sort of NBC preshow. To get a real sense of how bad it was, skip to the bits about the Parade of Nations]
And HOURS behind everyone else, here comes the NBC Olympic coverage!!!!
With bonus space shuttle! (What was that?)
Only NBC would give us the American space shuttle to start off Opening Ceremonies in London.
Ok, NBC. We get it. Olympics. Are. Dramatic.
This reminds us of the Lord of the Rings.
My brother is very upset that the fast forward button does not work during this part.
We are not at the Opening Ceremonies yet. This it the NBC intro. TIMELESS ACHIEVEMENT. This seems endless, NBC, not timeless.
Ok, NOW, after a five year intro, NBC is telling us about Hampton Court.
NBC, have we not, as a nation, offended the United Kingdom enough this week already?
So, as the world watches the cauldron getting lit, Americans get commercials!
NBC is now assuring us that they are all friends like with Danny Boyle.
NBC now wants to show us Sports Illustrated.
Wait. ONe of the American gymnasts is actually nicknamed Flying Squirrel?
Thank you, NBC, for telling us the Olympics are very stressful on the athletes.
....flying pig, NBC? Did I miss the significance of that?
Um, NBC? What is this? Anyone?
NBC claims that this is the official start of the Olympics! Let the countdown begin!
Hey, the local NBC station was right! We did get William and Kate.
Hey! You guys were right! It is Abraham Lincoln at the Opening Ceremony! #Olympics
Thank you, NBC, for telling us that was a quote from the Tempest, AND THE UNNEEDED COMMERCIAL BREAK.
The good thing is that NBC's Opening Ceremony coverage will give us all plenty of time to visit the bathroom.
NBC tells us this is remarkable! Even ominous! Picking up in PACE and INTENSITY! I'm quoting.
Please tell me that someone will have a version of this NOT narrated by NBC.
NBC, we want to hear the drums. Not you.
OOOH! Rising Evil Phallic Towers! @Olympics I like my description better, NBC.
NBC would like to tell you that the Industrial Revolution had great hardship. Great insight from a major corporation.
NBC, I guarantee the creative team did not approve your voiceovers.#Olympics
NBC, rather than TELLING us about the soundtrack, how about letting us hear it? #Olympics
And remember, we're on tape delay. NBC has had HOURS to get their commentary wrong! #Olympics
NBC would like to tell you this is more poignant for a British audience. Because the British audience is not listening to NBC.#Olympics
Oooh, ring forging! One ring to bind them all! @Olympics
Hmm. We have decided that NBC is the mouthpiece of Sauron.#Olympics
Tolkien needs to create a ring to bind the mouths of the NBC announcers. #Olympics
We want to express our thorough approval of the queen's doggies.#Olympics. But why were they left behind? That wasn't very nice.
Ok, London #Olympics. That was ENTIRELY awesome.
NBC, we do not actually need British terms like "Tor" defined for us to let us enjoy this.
Ok, these kids? Also adorable. #Olympics
Great, NBC is now talking over the Olympic announcers.
No, NBC, people at home are wondering why you keep talking.#Olympics
NBC thinks we are all so uneducated we can't recognize cartoon characters like Cruella de Vil. I am not making this up.
NBC wants to know how you can banish a child's nightmares. I'm going with, banish NBC.
NBC: "Let's recap because we voiceovered so much you had no idea what you saw."
NBC, I promise you, we do not actually need you to review the show for us.
The household has just made a decision that the rest of the Olympics will be watched on Telemundo so we don't break the TV.
(after we finish watching the trainwreck of NBC tonight.)
....wait, NBC. We're interrupting already long Opening Ceremony coverage for a Michael Phelps interview?
I like Michael Phelps, mind you. I'm just questioning the NBC timing.
Oh dear. We are now adding Bob Costas to the mix of NBC commentators. This will not end well.
And now, it's time for NBC's geography lesson and telling us that Greece sucks.
NBC would like to tell you that Albania, too, sucks. Also, Ramadan sucks.
And now, NBC would like to remind you all of Angola's prior humiliations.
NBC, spreading world peace at the Olympics by reminding us of every single war everybody's been in and why they would hate the UK!
Hmm. Armenia got away without negative commentary. How? But NBC is back on track with a condescending comments about Aruba.
NBC is now dissing Belarus. Yay for world peace!
On the bright side, NBC is at least proving themselves equal opportunty all other countries haters.
Ok, so, so far, NBC likes Armenia and Brazil.
We are now on two letters of countries (B) and two commercial breaks. This does not bode well for finishing quickly.
NBC, telling us that the chief problem of the Central African Republic is movie subtitles. I am not making this up.
So, NBC missed the entire "celebrate world athletes" memo?
NBC, now telling us Americans can't spell! Also, failing to tell us the population or number of athletes from North Korea.
NBC, now deciding this is the best time to update on Egypt's political problems instead of telling us about the athletes there.
NBC, telling us that Eritrea is only important because American athletes have come from it.
And now, it's time for NBC to insult France!
On the bright side, France, if you had gotten the Olympics, you'd have to let these NBC commentators into your country. Lucky break!
NBC: There is no recent military conflict we will not bring up during this athletic celebration!
NBC: Let's talk about Facebook as Haiti walks in! That's relevant!
Ok, we like the Independent Olympic Athletes!
NBC: Let's tell you about all of the problems between Iran and the United Kingdom during this happy occasion!
Our household explodes for Italy!!!!!
(maybe not explodes. Cheers.)
NBC, I promise you, no one is watching this to find out the air schedules to Kiribati.
Well, NBC, we weren't going to cheer for Madagascar, but now that you've reminded us it's the setting for animated movies, YAY!
NBC: "The Maldives, the lowest country on earth. A couple of medals here might boost them up a bit." That's a quote.
NBC, assuming Americans have never looked at a map since 1805!
NBC: "We point these things out both to increase our ratings..." You think this is increasing your ratings?
Apparently NBC is under the impression that we are all here to celebrate commercial television ads, instead of athletes.
NBC, congratulating themselves for being able to say Saudi Arabian names!
NBC, claiming this is moving so fast there's no time to find out who is carrying Senegal's flag!
NBC, maybe these little anecdotes are not the best idea. Just saying.
NBC - We know you tuned in to see athletes, but did you know life sucks in Syria?
NBC - The entrance of Tanzania provides us with an excellent opportunity to tell you a little story about the New York Mets.
I keep thinking this NBC commentary can't get worse, and then, Tunisia walks in.
NBC - And now, let us spoil this happy U.S. entrance with controversy!
....did NBC just slip in a political ad for Mitt Romney in there? Never mind. I'll just pretend I didn't hear.
NBC, when the Arctic Monkeys are playing, that's the signal for you to stop talking.
And NBC talks over the actual Olympic announcers. Again.
Yay, Mohammed Ali! #Olympics
NBC, now wanting to let us know that the final torch bearer is important, because the fireworks and torches haven't made that clear.
Flaming speedboat for the Olympic torch win!
NBC, "As you just heard..." Yes, NBC, indeed, we did hear that from the Olympic announcer, which is why we didn't need to hear it again.
I have lost track of how often NBC has decided to talk over the announcers.
NBC, hoping that these young athletes end up in Rio, and not trained as assassins targeted by furious countries at NBC.
NBC, again deciding that we don't actually need to hear what the Olympics people are saying.
NBC, telling us that the young athletes are embracing their sponsors, presumably thinking we can't see this through their talking.
NBC - So much is made of the creative process, and surprisingly, so little is made of our inane additions to it.
Very impressive, London. #Olympics Very inane, NBC.
(no subject)
Date: 2012-07-28 09:36 am (UTC)If it helps, the German commentary was probably just as sucky. We got it live and without ads, but the commentary... yeah, lots of talking while someone in the stadium was talking and also talking about other stuff instead of the countries entering the stadium, too.
(no subject)
Date: 2012-07-28 01:14 pm (UTC)Were your commentators as continually insulting to other countries, though? That was the part where the American commentary went from annoying to head thunking. In theory the Olympics are supposed to be celebrating all of the countries of the world, not making fun of them or putting them down.
(Well, ok, in theory.)
(no subject)
Date: 2012-07-28 01:23 pm (UTC)