Lost, the End, commentary part three:

[mariness]

Incidentally, these are mostly notes I took during the show; after the end I realized that some of my comments needed a bit of editing, so I added [edits] like this.

1. Hurley: That guy [Jacob's] worse than Yoda. Hurley, in all fairness to Yoda, Yoda at his worst never tortured people with chasing them with polar bears and smoke monsters and dragging them to evil islands to prove points about humanity to smoke monsters. Winner: Yoda, even with getting the storm troopers going.

2. It only took six seasons for Christian Shepherd's body to show up. And it only took six seconds for me to say, that coffin will be empty when it's opened. [I actually DIDN'T want to be right about this one. Oh well.]

3. Yay! Sawyer is yelling at Kate! This bodes well.

4. "This would be so sweet if we weren't all about to die." And again, Hurley speaks for all of us. [Must say, in context, kinda awesome line.]

5. Yay, Vincent is alive! Yay, Richard is alive! This means everybody is going to die at the end, doesn't it? [Crap. Didn't mean for that to be true either. Maybe I was just getting Too Good at predicting this show.]

6. Oh, show. I didn't need to see Jin explode on the freighter AGAIN.

7. Flashbacking to a traumatic existence makes people remember how to speak fluent English because….I got nothing here. Nothing. [Ok, the end kinda cleared up this bit, but...still.]

8. I called Juliet as the mother! Go me!

9. Is anyone else confused as to why last time, Jacob just, you know, threw his brother into the cave, and, you know, boom, and this time, everyone needs to walk through a long long tunnel to get to the whatever? Yeah, that's what I thought. I'd ask, but, you know. It's Lost.

10. Oh, look. Boone's back. Bad show.

11. Yay Shannon and Sayid! Nay Desmond and Hurley for waking up Boone. [Also, how come Boone has to be single in everyone's, and mostly Jack's, little Purgatory? Everyone else had some True Love along.]

12. Ah, Lost: where recognizing your true love forces you into labor. Geesh.

13. Oh, so, Jacob, when you said the island was a cork, you meant that literally. While I'm at it, Lost, a final episode should be answering questions, not asking questions like, who built this light thingy, why does it waste so much water, and why wasn't it put on a more seismically stable location?

14. Ok, I don't care what universe you're in: first, no first birth goes that quickly, and second, any benefit dinner/concert like that would have another doctor. I'm losing belief in this alternate reality [Edit: In retrospect, ok, well played, show!] I mean, I don't care what Claire has done in either universe: she does NOT deserve to have to have Kate as a midwife, AGAIN.

15. I'd be more sniffly about this Claire and Charlie scene if it didn't suddenly seem to emphasize the lack of gay couples of Lost. Just saying.

16. So nice of the weather to add to the drama.

17. Seriously, people: when putting together magically glowing cave, check the geological stability of your location.

18. Sorry, Kate. Shooting Smoke Monster still fails to justify the existence of your character. Actually, since I'm on Smoke Monster's side, it just Makes It Worse.

19. Ah. So the main point of this episode is to demonstrate just how great this show once was. Good to know.

20. Ok, I admit that this is not exactly the Most Probable of Shows. However, even with that caveat, I have to say, completely NOT buying Lapidus (or anyone) surviving the explosion of a sub and floating in the water for hours and hours and hours afterwards.

21. "Sounds like they're making progress." Ben, I am going to miss you. I mean, I have absolutely no idea what the hell you are doing in this episode, but I'm going to miss you.

22. Please tell me that this volcano isn't hurting the dog. Or, you know, Rose and Bernard. Them too.

23. Kate, Jack, I realize this is a Couple Episode, but the island is Exploding Around You. Is this really the moment?

This is, so far, the only couple moment that has actively irritated me (the "hey, no gays," was less irritating and more a revelation) and failed to convince me. I will allow you to judge what that means.

24. I don't believe in a lot of things, but I do believe in duct tape. Miles, I'm going to miss you too.

25. You know, Sawyer, that dive isn't going to get LESS dangerous if you take the backpack and presumably the nice bottled water in it with you. Dive the backpack!

26. The Sawyer/Juliet moment: "Maybe you should read the machine its rights." This has nothing to do with Lost, but we once actually did that, and I have to tell you, reading the machine its Miranda rights and then following that up by misquoting the Bill of Rights does not actually release any potato chips. I just thought you should all know.

27. Now, THIS couple moment (Juliet/Sawyer) I believe in. I will allow you to judge what that means, too. Also, I so called the coffee moment!

(This was the moment I was spoiled for, by the way.)

28. I dunno, altKate. If Jack goes with you, he's kinda, you know, stuck WITH YOU. I think he's better off watching the ex-wife that he's still mildly fond of making out with Sawyer.

29. Jack, you have NEVER BEEN RIGHT about ANYTHING on this entire show. Exactly why SHOULD Hurley listen to you?

30. Yay, Hurley gets the island! Yay! (That was my least expected moment from the show.) The first thing Jack has done right in six seasons.

31. "You were right, Jack." "Well, there's a first time for everything." No kidding.

32. "I'll see you in another life, brother." Yay show.

33. Question: why is THIS island shaking? Question: Why am I still questioning this show at this point? But, seriously, this is the second island, not the sinking island, so…I'm Lost.

34. Yay! They got the plane off the evil island! Miles isn't dead!

35. Auugh! They LEFT THE DOG BEHIND! What's happening to the dog???? And they saved Kate instead of the dog! WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?

36. Wait. Locke checked himself out of the hospital that soon after surgery HOW?

[Ok, having seen the end, I get how, which just makes me say, Jack, dude, no wonder you sucked so much as a doctor if you couldn't even get hospital check out times right in your little fantasy purgatory of working things out.]

37. I am...lost...with Ben this episode. I am guessing that last week's seeming cooperation with Smoke Monster was just to a) to give him the chance to kill Widmore and b) maybe help kill Smoke Monster later, but he certainly didn't do much with b this episode, did he?

38. So…Ben's just sitting there, watching them leave?

39. Ben: I don't think you need to be in that chair anymore. I question how Ben could possibly know that, but, awesome line reading.

40. Let's all give island Ben a massive round of applause for pointing out that THINGS DO NOT HAVE TO BE RUN JACOB'S WAY!

41. So, we're to assume things went great on the island after Jack died? Color me not surprised.

42. Ready to leave? Wait a minute, we're actually asking Jack to abandon his son? And presuming that Sawyer and Juliet are leaving too, that means we're leaving Juliet and Jack's kid with I assume Eloise? For lack of another guardian?

43. Words cannot express my lack of surprise at the lack of a body in the coffin. Seriously. But Christian Shepherd making an appearance in the sideways universe? Moderately surprising.

44. Wait a minute….

THEY ALL DIED ON THE PLANE?

Oh, show!

But wait a minute….

Does this mean KATE DIED????? YAY SHOW!!!!

WHY DID YOU LET THAT MARVELOUS MOMENT OCCUR OFFSCREEN?

Also, you would know that when Jack died, he WOULD take everyone with him, because, well, he's Jack.

45. If I were on a bad plane crash and landed on an evil island with evil people I would not try to create a new universe where I could meet all of them again. Just saying. (Mind you, I like the explanation as far as it goes, but I'm just saying.)

46. This church scene seriously needs Mr. Eko.

47. Wait...are you seriously telling me that after a plane crash, you are eternally fated to spend your entire afterlife with the people who crashed on the plane with you and Penny? How freaking AWFUL.

48. Yay! The doggie survived the completely inexplicable volcano/earthquake thingy.

49. Auugh! The dog isn't in the church. And...hang on, Juliet and Jack, you seriously DID abandon your kid? Ok, so, he's apparently an imaginary kid, which leads me to wonder why exactly you two felt that your lives could only be completed with a kid, but, still.

50. So, a show about daddy issues ends with Juliet, Jack, Jin and Sun all abandoning their kids, and Evil Eloise staying with hers? Let's THINK ABOUT THIS for a moment.

51. By the way, while I'm more than ok with having Juliet and Sawyer, and Kate and Jack, together in the sideways, er, unreal universe (with the note that even in the sideways universe, Kate and Sawyer, still flirting, and Jack and Juliet, have a real past and seem to be on really good terms), I have to say that I find it difficult to believe that, given the deaths of their prospective spouses, and given that I'm fairly sure we're supposed to assume that everyone on the Ajira plane survived (given that Miles and Lapidus weren't in the church), that they DIDN'T hook up again after escaping the island. Which would suggest that whatever the true love of Sawyer/Juliet (believable) and Jack/Kate (not believable) it's possible that the actual long term relationship there was Sawyer/Kate, which makes the whole church scene with the four of them a little less….believable. Maybe they'll just do a nice foursome in heaven

52. Also, all of them just happened to remember that they were actually dead at the same time?


Snark aside, I have decided that I liked the episode. It made no sense; the plot holes gaped; I seriously don't get what was up with Ben; I was underwhelmed and unconvinced by the Smoke Monster's death; answers were, to say the least, missing (most notably with Walt) but...

I did like the fact that the sideways universe gave nearly everyone (even Boone! except Walt!) resolution, as arbitrary as the choices of who did, and who did not, get resolution, and as forcibly romantic as most of the resolutions were. (I say arbitrary because quite apart from the presence of Boone and Shannon, Sayid the torturer/assassin ends up in heaven; Michael, who was simply trying to save his son, whatever the betrayals, is stuck as a voice on the island. Or maybe the entire heaven/church thing was just the way Jack wants to see things, in which case, for Jack, Sayid good, Michael bad. Although, if the false universe was Hurley's creation and an attempt to make everyone happy, then...yeah, I just shouldn't think about this that much.)

But, I dunno. Maybe it's because I'm a romantic sap, maybe it's because I was relieved to see an actual ending (even one of "well, everyone's dead"), maybe it was because I was tired, maybe because I came in with incredibly low expectations....yeah. I ended up liking the episode, more than I've liked most other finales. (I'd say, for instance, this was definitely more satisfying than Buffy.) And deciding that yes, I can recommend the show. Possibly more on this later, if I get around to writing a series summary.

Edit: Just realized why I'm feeling satisfied: it's because Jack is dead, which, yay! Even if it took an entire season for him to realize it, he's dead. No wonder I'm ok with the episode.

And also, because I jokingly said, last year, that they'd all arrived on the island because they were losers to begin with and that everything that was happening was just because they were dead (and to be fair, many others were suggesting the same things), and sure enough...Considering all of my serious predictions that I got completely wrong, it says something that I could only correctly predict this show in a joke, but, you know, there's always a first time.