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marinessThe problem is fairly obvious. I had a really marvelous time yesterday - laughing, joking, getting a book I wanted for years.
But this was all thanks to the efforts of other people. And I'm both absurdly grateful (especially since yesterday came at their idea and invitation, not mine) and deeply resentful, because so much of my ability to do things I want to do is dependent on other people, especially without the trike. Even with the trike, it's hard for me to leave the Winter Garden/limited parts of Ocoee/very limited parts of Clermont without assistance (although I have received yet more assurances that people are working on the bus problem.) And I hate this feeling of dependence.
But this was all thanks to the efforts of other people. And I'm both absurdly grateful (especially since yesterday came at their idea and invitation, not mine) and deeply resentful, because so much of my ability to do things I want to do is dependent on other people, especially without the trike. Even with the trike, it's hard for me to leave the Winter Garden/limited parts of Ocoee/very limited parts of Clermont without assistance (although I have received yet more assurances that people are working on the bus problem.) And I hate this feeling of dependence.
(no subject)
Date: 2011-07-14 02:10 am (UTC)Part of the problem is that I used to go and do things all on my own - things like, you know, Europe, shows, weird places, weird things. So if I invited someone along, and got a no, it wasn't a big deal - I often went and did things without people in any case.
Now, auugh.
Not to mention the guilt - my friends were awesome yesterday (not just the rides but the jokes) and I feel so ungrateful for complaining.