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Impressions of the British election
May. 7th, 2010 01:03 amBoos! Impressions of the British election:
Ok, the mention of the Monster Raving Loony Party, along with the picture, led me to start watching the BBC feed through the New York Times. I came in late and missed bits, so, my vague impressions:
1. I LOVE the way the British announce their results. If you missed it, it goes like this: all of the candidates – no matter how minor – all stand on a stage, and then somebody else reads out the vote totals and then everybody yells and boos and then all of the candidates politely and cheerfully shake hands. We so need to do this here. Complete with the boos.
2. 11:30 PM, U.S. East Coast, 4:30 am London, BBC is predicting a hung parliament. "And that doesn't get you very far, does it?" This is what goes wrong when you are trying to do journalism at 4:30 in the morning.
3. 11:33 the BBC asks Jack Straw, "Who's running this country?" Jack Straw has to repeat the question and then reassure us that Gordon Brown is on a plane and we will see from there. The BBC does not know how to handle this. Jack Straw assures us that there won't be a challenge to Gordon Brown.
I still think Cameron should be a duke, not a prime minister. Maybe he should have a long talk with the Queen.
4. 11:35 pm East Coast, 4:35 am London We hear that 75 people voted for the Nobody party. I approve of this. Nobody boos him.
11:36 pm We learn just why you should never, ever, attempt to expense your porn film expenses. Especially to the British government.
11: 50 pm Another candidate thing comes up. "PLEASE BOO!" I say. On cue, the Labour results are announced and BOO! BOO!
Insufficiently though.
This is followed by someone on the BBC uttering the very unfortunate phrase "decapitate Ed Balls," which I initially completely misunderstand.
11:56 pm The BBC shows us Big Ben dripping with Big Ribbons. I approve.
11:56:30 pm And then sadly says, "We need a government. We really need a government." It is a very sad moment but at least Big Ben looks pretty good with the ribbons.
11:59 pm The BBC mourns their inability to tell us anything.
12:05 am The BBC mourns that it may never, ever sleep, after an interview with a Lord Ashcroft that almost puts me to sleep.
12:09 am The BBC is almost desperate to find out what 's going on and who is running the country. One would think that this is the sort of thing that the BBC should be telling us.
12:10 am I assume the Queen sleeps through this sort of thing, right? Or maybe she's indulging in some insomnia and wishing she had a government with people who weren't saying things like "I'm not sure what's happening."
12:12 am The BBC tries to make the radical argument that the party that wins the most seats ought to have a chance to run the country. Ed Balls thinks this isn't the way Britain Works.
12:13 am The setup in Birmingham makes the candidates look as if they're standing in a police lineup.
12:10 am The BBC makes the mistake of following the lead of CNN by putting up a Colorful Map that can be walked on, and then, they walk on it. BBC, trust us, the last thing you should be doing is following the lead of CNN. Ok, the really last thing you should be doing is following the lead of Glenn Beck (although off topic I agree with Beck that no, we cannot just remove citizenship from people because we think they are terrorists. We didn't remove Timothy McVeigh's citizenship or Ted Bundy's or Charles Manson's. Also, while I'm ranting, the reason to read Miranda rights to terrorist suspects is to make sure they are not going to get off on a Miranda technicality later. But I am severely digressing! Back to Britain!)
12:22 am BBC helpfully informs us that it's dawn, Gordon Brown's helicopter has arrived and they have no idea where Gordon Brown is going or what he is doing but it's been a very long night. I am losing my faith in the helpfulness of the BBC.
12:33 am BBC tries to make up for ignorance with special effects! Result: my unkindly thoughts about the U.S. media are extended to the British media.
12:36 am I would trust these exit polls more if the BBC didn't keep changing them.
12:58 am And another Monstrous Loony Party person in an utterly marvelous red coat and huge yellow ribbon.
1:00 am The BBC shows us unhappy disenfranchised voters. Just like Florida! I feel so comforted, no longer alone in the craziness. I also feel distinctly sleepy and utterly wiped. Even if it misses missing more Monstrous Raving Loony people. So to bed.
Ok, the mention of the Monster Raving Loony Party, along with the picture, led me to start watching the BBC feed through the New York Times. I came in late and missed bits, so, my vague impressions:
1. I LOVE the way the British announce their results. If you missed it, it goes like this: all of the candidates – no matter how minor – all stand on a stage, and then somebody else reads out the vote totals and then everybody yells and boos and then all of the candidates politely and cheerfully shake hands. We so need to do this here. Complete with the boos.
2. 11:30 PM, U.S. East Coast, 4:30 am London, BBC is predicting a hung parliament. "And that doesn't get you very far, does it?" This is what goes wrong when you are trying to do journalism at 4:30 in the morning.
3. 11:33 the BBC asks Jack Straw, "Who's running this country?" Jack Straw has to repeat the question and then reassure us that Gordon Brown is on a plane and we will see from there. The BBC does not know how to handle this. Jack Straw assures us that there won't be a challenge to Gordon Brown.
I still think Cameron should be a duke, not a prime minister. Maybe he should have a long talk with the Queen.
4. 11:35 pm East Coast, 4:35 am London We hear that 75 people voted for the Nobody party. I approve of this. Nobody boos him.
11:36 pm We learn just why you should never, ever, attempt to expense your porn film expenses. Especially to the British government.
11: 50 pm Another candidate thing comes up. "PLEASE BOO!" I say. On cue, the Labour results are announced and BOO! BOO!
Insufficiently though.
This is followed by someone on the BBC uttering the very unfortunate phrase "decapitate Ed Balls," which I initially completely misunderstand.
11:56 pm The BBC shows us Big Ben dripping with Big Ribbons. I approve.
11:56:30 pm And then sadly says, "We need a government. We really need a government." It is a very sad moment but at least Big Ben looks pretty good with the ribbons.
11:59 pm The BBC mourns their inability to tell us anything.
12:05 am The BBC mourns that it may never, ever sleep, after an interview with a Lord Ashcroft that almost puts me to sleep.
12:09 am The BBC is almost desperate to find out what 's going on and who is running the country. One would think that this is the sort of thing that the BBC should be telling us.
12:10 am I assume the Queen sleeps through this sort of thing, right? Or maybe she's indulging in some insomnia and wishing she had a government with people who weren't saying things like "I'm not sure what's happening."
12:12 am The BBC tries to make the radical argument that the party that wins the most seats ought to have a chance to run the country. Ed Balls thinks this isn't the way Britain Works.
12:13 am The setup in Birmingham makes the candidates look as if they're standing in a police lineup.
12:10 am The BBC makes the mistake of following the lead of CNN by putting up a Colorful Map that can be walked on, and then, they walk on it. BBC, trust us, the last thing you should be doing is following the lead of CNN. Ok, the really last thing you should be doing is following the lead of Glenn Beck (although off topic I agree with Beck that no, we cannot just remove citizenship from people because we think they are terrorists. We didn't remove Timothy McVeigh's citizenship or Ted Bundy's or Charles Manson's. Also, while I'm ranting, the reason to read Miranda rights to terrorist suspects is to make sure they are not going to get off on a Miranda technicality later. But I am severely digressing! Back to Britain!)
12:22 am BBC helpfully informs us that it's dawn, Gordon Brown's helicopter has arrived and they have no idea where Gordon Brown is going or what he is doing but it's been a very long night. I am losing my faith in the helpfulness of the BBC.
12:33 am BBC tries to make up for ignorance with special effects! Result: my unkindly thoughts about the U.S. media are extended to the British media.
12:36 am I would trust these exit polls more if the BBC didn't keep changing them.
12:58 am And another Monstrous Loony Party person in an utterly marvelous red coat and huge yellow ribbon.
1:00 am The BBC shows us unhappy disenfranchised voters. Just like Florida! I feel so comforted, no longer alone in the craziness. I also feel distinctly sleepy and utterly wiped. Even if it misses missing more Monstrous Raving Loony people. So to bed.