Lost: the meandering summary

( This turned out longer than I thought it would, so placing the entire thing under a cut. The first part is non-spoilery, discussing fiction, my writing methods, and Disney; the second part is spoilery and marked by big capital letters of SPOILERY. But to answer the question non-watchers of Lost have asked, namely, is this show worth watching, well, yes, but as I explain below, I think it works better if you don't watch it in order. I discuss below. )

Why nobody should ever ask Americans to Speak Out.

So as a few of you may have heard, the Republican Party made an admirable attempt to solicit the opinions of Normal Dudes Just Like You on their website, asking for thoughts on a number of topics.

They did not, it appears, reckon on the internet. Here are some responses from the site, copied over before they disappear:

On National Security:

We need to train an army of Ninja Cats. Cats are natural born hunters and predators, and it is known that they indeed have 9 lives, many more than the typical human life (being one). They are also excellent at hiding themselves and would be ideal for sneaking into countries and assassinating communist leaders to lessen the ever growing threat of communism, finding key terrorist leaders and shattering the global terrorist network. In fact they could be potentially useful in the current Korean crisis. Loyal to their trainers, the cats could rain destruction and fear throughout the world, and if ever captured would never tell who they are serving. Finally, after they have solved the worlds problems, they could serve as border patrol and show unflinching resolve at keeping illegals where the...

Enforce the grammatical rules of the English language. Setup an organization, the Grammar Enforcement Agency (GEA) to do this, and fund them well. Bad grammar is a threat to our national security, and is only succeeding in making us appear worthless and uneducated in the face of other English speaking nations.

We should put up a sonic fence around the US like on Lost. If it can keep out smoke monsters, it might work on Mexicans

I think all americans should bathe in Nuclear Waste. This has been shown to be an effective tactic in the past of transforming the human body into something more powerful and superhuman. With a nation of powerful mutants, not only would we prevent ourselves from being invaded, we would have a wildly powerful offense with millions able to fly, shoot lasers from their eyes and take bullets. Ninja Cats would still prove to be a problem.

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On job creation:

Americans need equal access to unicorns and rainbows to overcome barriers in the pursuit of sparkly happiness. Traditionally, unicorns have been too rare to truly impact the world and rainbows are too tied to occurrences in nature. Recent technological advances however make these limitations part of our dark past. The democratization of unicorns and rainbows is crucial for the US to be a major player as a world happiness leader in the future. Let the US be a shining light for the world, and let the shining light come from a the horn of a unicorn and sparkle in all colors of the rainbow.

On marine biology:

A "teacher" told my child in class that dolphins were mammals and not fish! And the same thing about whales! We need TRADITIONAL VALUES in all areas of education. If it swims in the water, it is a FISH. Period! End of Story.

And, the winner:

We need to ensure that the Republicans never give us up, let us down, run around or desert us.

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More at the site, but be warned: it's crashing under the delighted visits of people having fun with this.

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I think we've all learned a valuable lesson here. Although I must question the actual loyalty of the Ninja cats.