mariness

Ever since I was a small, small child, I have wanted to go inside Buckingham Palace. So when this trip came up, and I realized that I would actually be in London during the only two months out of the year that the palace is open, this immediately leapt to the top of my must do list.

For most people, getting into Buckingham Palace works like this: you buy your tickets online or there, stand in line, and then go through the tour.

And then there's wheelchair users.

The process for wheelchair users involves several international phone calls, a fragile and tempremental computer system, calls to Chase Bank (ok, this part was just me) and a Special Reservation.

Then you have to get there, a process complicated by the fact that buses don't stop by Buckingham Palace.

I made it to Westminster Abbey by very mundane bus - I know, not royal, but cheap - and then took a cab - it's not that far, but I figured that if Catherine Duchess of Cambridge rode from Westminster Abbey to Buckingham Palace I could too. (Also it is slightly uphill). The cab actually can't drop you off that close, so this meant more bump bump and working through crowds.

The wheelchair entrance is nowhere near the main tourist entrance, so, bump bump bump.

And then:

1. Talk to a cop.

2. Talk to a Palace person.

3. Palace person verifies you.

4. Palace person makes several Important Calls by Radio.

5. A Special Golf Cart is radioed over.

6. You roll into the Golf Cart and get Strapped In.

7. That big elaborate entrance in all the photos? You get driven through that and into the inner corridor.

8. More Elaborate Radios to let everyone know you have arrived.

9. You are then wanded and searched (I assume this happens on the regular tour as well.)

10. If you use a mobility scooter, at this stage you are put on a special Buckingham Palace wheelchair.

11. Everyone else is offered a royal Choice of Ramps: the steep ramp (eek) and the not steep ramp, which can be reached only after gravel.

12. Lift one awaits.

13. Lift one requires FOUR separate people to operate: the person on the ground, the person in the upstairs hallway (actually the statue hall or something like that - I was so in awe at the proceedure that I forgot the name) and two people to operate the lift.

(Most of you, incidentally, would look at the lift and say - but it's just one button! - You would have a point, but that is not Buckingham Palace.)

14. After lift one you roll over to the full Hall of Statues, where you wait to be escorted for the next step.

15. At this point everyone realized that I still didn't have a paper ticket.

16. The Hall of Statues is technically the end of the tour, which doesn't really matter at this point because now you are getting wheeled down to the Secret Accessibility Room. This requires one person with you, one person to lift the rope to give you access to the door, one person to open the door, and three people inside the room.

17. Even people with tickets must wait at this point.

18. This is a beautifully decorated little side room with priceless furniture and paintings and also a bathroom that Michelle Obama may or may not have used. There was some confusion on this point, but it was supposed to make the American feel welcome so yay!

19. I used it though! That should count.

20. Now it is time for Lift Two. This ALSO takes four separate people, and wheelchair users can only go up one by one. Before you go up you get a little sticker that authorizes you to use the lift. Each sticker has a little number (this is why wheelchair users have to register in advance - space is limited).

21. Radios talk.

22. Once you are Cleared for Lift Two, you go through a Special Door, up the elevator (I have no idea if Michelle Obama ever used this one) then wait to be allowed through the ropes. Then you are pushed through the Painting Gallery (or whatever) to the beginning of the tour.

23. This process, everyone, is a solid 45 minutes.

24. And I haven't gotten to the part where I discuss leaving.

25. Most of the actual tour is amazing. This year Buckingham Palace is also doing the year of the children or something so there was a huge section devoted to pictures of various princes and princesses and their toys which, honestly, was boring. But the rest was just sensory overkill: I would describe it, but painting after painting after silk hanging after painting after silk hanging....There is an amazing, but amazing, picture of Salome holding the head of John the Baptist which I am pretty sure I haven't seen a reproduction of before, and I honestly got a bit lost looking at it; she had a "and what are YOU going to do about this?" combined with a bit ofa "holy )(*^**" look: I'm describing it terribly, but what I can say is that I felt a fierce sense of greed and it's possibly just as well that Buckingham Palace has those elaborate security proceedures. I also got a bit lost looking at the Lawrence painting of Queen Caroline and Princess Charlotte.

Then I had to leave.

If getting in was a procedure, getting out was even more of one. You have to wait, you see, for Lift Two to be ready. Which takes radio time. That got me back down, and I went out and looked over at the gardens but decided not to try them - rain was coming and I was a bit dizzy. Then I went to Lift One.

The Lift One people weren't answering their radios.

I expect that sort of thing doesn't happen to the Queen.

I indulged in another taxi afterwards. To continue the royal mood, after all.

And now, to Worldcon. I suspect blogging will be light for the next few days.

So, after missing my initial flight, dealing with a flight delay out of Orlando, temporarily losing my wheelchair in Dublin (that was fun), and going through Secret Back Alleyways Through Paddington Station (that actually was entertaining. Like spy stuff.) This is usually the part where I complain about Heathrow, and, trust me, there are several things I could say about Heathrow, none kind, but in comparison I feel that Heathrow's ongoing "Hi! How can we get you to hate this country as quickly as possible" is mild in comparison. Also Heathrow did push me all the way to Heathrow Express, so that was kind.

Unfortunately, the advertised as disabled friendly hotel where I am staying is not quite as disabled friendly as advertised. To get in and out I have to wait for the porters to bring me a little temporary ramp, not kept in the lobby. This also means that they have to realize I'm there, which so far means waiting outside hopefully for another guest to enter the hotel to alert them that I need the ramp. The main hotel restaurant is not at all disabled accessible, and the bathroom - but this should be a cheery post.

It's perhaps not surprising that I have had four separate people come up to me and ask, in excited voices some equivalent of "you are really doing this? Where? How? Does the bathroom actually work for a wheelchair?" All of them know wheelchair users.

My other favorite comment of the past two days: "All the Americans I've met are so friendly which is strange because you always seem to be shooting each other." Yay, USA!

All right. One last visit to the unlit disabled bathroom, and then I am off to See Stuff.