mariness

Hi Hollywood.

Having just seen your trailers for upcoming films, we need to talk.

1. Other than the high school party film, your other trailers consisted of remakes and/or direct ripoffs from other films and/or adaptations. When your most original idea is a high school party, you have a problem. (I am using the words "original" and "idea" in the loosest senses of both words.)

2. It is our understanding that you are intending to market Silent House as a horror film "based on true events." I feel, therefore, that it is my duty to inform you of a recent true event: the entire almost sold out audience laughed through your entire trailer for this film, and a grand total of 0 audience members were convinced that the film had anything to do with true events.

Also, speaking of a lack of originality, didn't the original of this come out just two years ago?

3. Your decision to do a remake of The Three Stooges has been officially declared a crime against humanity.

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I can't exactly give a regular review of Chronicle, much less my usual snark, since the movie made me very dizzy and I ended up just listening to it, not seeing it.

Listening to the dialogue alone can really change your impression. I found myself predicting (correctly) pretty much every single thing that would happen in the film: from a plot and character perspective, Chronicle offers nothing new, with every beat falling exactly where you'd expect it to, a few decent jokes here and there at the beginning of the film.

Those who saw the film, however, were more impressed, talking about how different it had been, since apparently the film does various tricks with different found camera footage from security cameras and ATMs and so on.

Which once again, I guess, shows the importance of presentation. I heard a thoroughly predictable film that followed pretty much every trope in the book; they saw something original and new. It's not so much your idea. It's the packaging.

Over at Tor.com, I interrupt my series of Oz and Oz related posts to um, write about a planned upcoming Oz movie. Er.

Oh. My. God. Guys.

I have just seen the most marvelous thing: the trailer for Unstoppable, a literal – literal – train wreck of a film. It was spawned, clearly, in a meeting filled with Hollywood executives, that I can only imagine went something like this:

Dude one: Ok. So. Next flick. Disaster flick?

Dude two: Volcano?

Dude one: Been done.

Dude two: Earthquake. Plane crash! WITH ALIENS!

Dude one: Been done.

Dude three: I have it – a runaway train!

Dude one: Well –

Dude three: With TOXIC CHEMICALS!

Dude one:….I'm listening.

Dude four: Yes! And, see, they have to STOP THE TRAIN, otherwise an ENTIRE BUSLOAD OF CUTE CHILDREN WILL DIE!

Dude two: And NO ONE CAN STOP THE TRAIN!

Dude three: Except for A YOUNG BLUE COLLAR TRAIN DUDE JUST TRYING TO PROVE HIMSELF ON THE JOB TO CRUSTY OLD GUYS NEARING RETIREMENT.

Dude one:….Still listening.

Dude five: …..with DENZEL WASHINGTON!

Dude one: Well. I'm sold.

I can't remember when I last saw a trailer with so much snark potential. It is, truly, a work of beauty: starting with the clichéd dialogue of the New White Guy Who Must Prove Himself on the Train, the Wise Black Dude who will help him out (oh, Denzel...), before moving on to the Adorably Cute Kids on the bus who know Just What To Do At Railway Crossings, the Runaway Train, and topping it off, the toxic chemicals MOVING TOWARDS THE TRAIN (or already on the train and moving towards the Adorably Cute Kids, whichever; once the toxic chemicals were mentioned I lost it.)

Also, Rosario Dawson. I assume she will be showing lots of skin at some point, because it's that sort of film.

I laughed myself into tachycardia.

The movie apparently comes out November 12, which is, to say the least, an inconvenient time for me, but, at some point in November, assuming this film does not disappear after opening night, which does seem likely, I will make some attempt to be there, netbook in hand.

But, oh right. I also saw a movie, after the trailer. About that...

From many of you: Joss Whedon will be directing the next Avengers movie.

And like pretty much all of you who directed me to this news tidbit, I am...iffy. Two years ago I would have been enthusiastic and giggly and frankly rather annoyingly enthusiastic. But in the meantime, I have suffered through Dollhouse. My confidence, it shakes, even as my optimism, it tells me not to be so judgemental especially since the guy has done other better things, even as my pessimism, it reminds me that I was not enthusiastic about an Avengers movie in the first place. So, I am standing by "iffy."