This makes me cry:

I said this was a bad idea from the beginning. I must admit, however, that until now I didn't realize just how bad.

If this movie had to be done at all, and upon both sober and completely wasted consideration, it didn't, why, oh why, oh why, is this set in NEW YORK CITY? I truly cannot begin to explain the deep, deep wrongness of this. It immediately eliminates all props for some of the "clever" celebrity casting (apparently Wolfgang Puck is voicing Chef Smurf. I share your pain). The only possible, possible, mitigating factor - and I freely admit this is arguable - is that the Daily Show's John Oliver is apparently voicing Vanity Smurf - but if you want to say that this only makes the whole thing worse, I'm not about to argue with you.

*******

I can't believe how long this took to type up. HEAL, finger, HEAL!