A merry Tuesday to you all!

My holiday gift to you all -- apologies in advance:

'Twas the night before Christmas,
and all through the house,
all the people were shaking,
wishing it was only a mouse.
Alas, alas no, a dragon had arrived –
His glittering red and green wings bright in the skies.
And ooh! All the smoke! All the fire and brimstone!
What horribly large and strong scaly thighs!
And up on the roof there arose such a clatter,
that every last person squawked, oh what does it matter!
If we can't get the brand new TV to turn on,
Or get the ASUS tablet to change this &^%%# icon!
(Er, wait. The poet just recalled
this poem was supposed to be set in older times
when Christmas did not include getting Malled
or trying to figure out arcane stuff,
like, has this thing been charged enough?
So sorry. We will return to days of yore,
and see what this dragon story has in store.)
So up on the roof their arose such a clatter,
that knights ran out shrieking, "What is the matter?"
"I need gifts," said the dragon, licking his lips.
"Something from each of your townships."
"Virgins?" asked the knights. "We might be a bit short –"
The dragon stopped that with a snort.
"What would I do with a virgin? No, I want gold.
Lots of it. Don't care if it's warm or cold."
The people whispered, and then with a nod,
dragged out a great cauldron. "No fraud!"
steamed the dragon, and the knights all quivered,
But none of the others even shivered.
As they ran from house to house grabbing supplies.
The dragon watched, then said "Hey guys –"
To the knights, who were guarding the pot –
"Do my eyes deceive me? You're girls, are you not?"
"We prefer 'women,' " said the knights, with a nod.
"You must have met more in your flights abroad."
"Oh yes," said the dragon, with a grin.
"It's the women who beat me again and again.
So I warn you, I'm ready for all of you knights,
Even if you have some tricks with some kites."
(This puzzled the knights, and even the poet,
who just flung up her hands and said, oh, stow it –
It's not as if anyone will be reading this blog,
On Christmas, especially this slog.)
"Oh, it's not us who will be saving the town," said a knight.
"But our various cooks. Fire! Ignite!"
And the knights lit the fire. The cauldron bubbled.
The dragon looked quite befuddled.
And all through the town the cooks they did hurry
to throw things in the cauldron with quite a scurry.
Two hours later cooks and knights they did grin –
"Oh great dragon, we beg you, begin!"
The dragon approached, and sniffed and sniffed –
Beer and cheese and some kind of spice –
Even the well travelled dragon thought, well, that's very nice.
He tentatively stuck out his very long tongue,
And one of the knights – she was quite young –
Grabbed a spoon and brought the dragon a taste.
"Cheddar beer soup! Perhaps not great for my waist –
BUT GOLD INDEED! WOW! This is amazing stuff!
I just hope we have enough!"
And they heard him exclaim, as he flew out of sight,
"I'll be back with more dragons for this soup tonight!"

#

For those looking for something a bit more, er, Christmasy, a new post is up at Tor.com.