mariness

More lessons learned from Episode 3 of what is rapidly turning into the Fall's worst show, Ringer (but which I am getting hopelessly addicted to just for the sheer badness of it all):

1. The new Fiat is going to be one amazing car. (This is actually from the commercials, not the show, but since I can see that fewer and fewer of you will be seeing the show, and thus will miss these commercials, I felt you should know.)

2. The only intelligent character on the show is the professor. He, alas, suffers from a distinct character flaw that is beginning to make me dislike him: he refuses to take off his shirt. Come on, show! This is the CW! You can't keep the one likeable, intelligent character fully clothed!

3. New York City is remarkably well stocked with helpful sales clerks willing to give extensive information about the benefits of cash only phones for drug dealers.

3. Nobody who has ever written for this show has ever a) met a banker, b) worked in a bank, c) bothered to check basic facts about banks on Wikipedia.

4. Bankers are so unaware of the world about them even after months of living in Paris they still able to walk into a high class bar in Paris and order – in English – a New York City drink and be astounded when the bartender has no clue what this drink is.

5. Speaking of high class bars in Paris, they are remarkably empty except for the inevitable presence of Evil Twins. (Paris! Littered with them! Maybe.) And also sadly free of energy drinks. If filled with delicious delicious coffee that can be sipped while flirting with Evil Twins.

6. All of this Paris atmosphere will be adequately given with a single shot of the Eiffel Tower!

6. Being a Somewhat Good Twin means not being very bright.

7. Apparently, in order to self publish a not very good novel that an editor hates, you must empty out all of your investment accounts. Someone alert Amazon, like, now!

8. Evil divorce attorneys are remarkably forthcoming.

9. When escaping from an Evil Guy With a Gun, a taxi is your best option.

10. Fortunately, when escaping from an Evil Guy With a Gun, a taxi will be readily available, even in New York City, where less fortunate people in real life have to spend several miserable minutes waving down a taxi in the rain. (To be fair we were not being followed by large cameras or people with guns at the time.)

11. The first hint of morning sickness can come in the throes of sexual passion with a complete stranger! (This one may actually be true, but it still cracked me up.)

I just caught up with the first episode of Ringer, the new Sarah Michelle Geller vehicle, and am enthralled with all of the mysteries, including:

1) Why did Bridget's Narcotics/Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor keep his shirt on throughout the episode, and how can we, as an audience, change this later?

2) Who, precisely, was responsible for the atrocity of the greenscreening effects?

3) Is anyone, and by anyone I mean the film editors, aware that Sarah Michelle Geller's body double not exactly her height?

4) Does NOBODY remember to use lifejackets and floatation devices anymore?

5) On a related note, why does the Chrome browser think that "floatation" isn't a word? You worry me, Chrome browser. Are you hoping everyone will drown?

6) Why did anyone think it was a good idea to film any part of this show a) inside a natural history museum, b) with a large whale blocking much of the cast in one shot?

7) Seriously, only two people in that event went out to look at the stuffed elephants? After all that camera attention was placed on the whale? You shock me, show, you shock me. (And they didn't even really pay attention to the elephants.)

8) Does anyone actually give opera concerts in natural history museums?

Apart from the whale, the bit on the ocean (which had nothing to do with the whale) and the surprisingly awful greenscreening, Ringer was enjoyable enough - rough, but with at least some potential. Maybe less money spent on spectacular dresses and fake homes in the Hamptons, and more money spent on the camera. Just a thought.